No tags yet.
"I was lost in France,
in the fields the birds were singing
I was lost in France
And the day was just beginning ... "
Bonnie Tyler, 1977
Mary1 was lost. Not in France sadly, but lost. You see, the more time she spent with John74, the more confused she became. Not Dementia-confused. Just puzzled. The inconsistencies that he sprouted, the contradictory tales, the unrealistic aspirations and the naive approach to problem-solving bewildered Mary1. To the point where she started to question her own sanity. Let alone the sanity of John74.
"Issues" with others emerge surreptitiously, insidiously. They leopard crawl up to one. And bang! They then becomes oh so obvious.
As one does when one first meets a new John or Mary, one shares stories. That is how one gets to know one another. Nice. Sharing one's adventures. John74 had many an adventure to share too and he very early on regaled Mary1 with colourful accounts of his life. One recurrent theme was his adventures with a particular red-haired girlfriend. John74 regularly mentioned the likes of: "When I was dating this redhead ..." or "You know the redhead I dated, well ..." or "When I was in so-and-so place with my redhead girlfriend ...". Lovely. Mary1 loves sharing tales. However, a month or so later the redhead girlfriend suddenly morphed into an ex-wife! "Have I ever mentioned that I was married before I was married to ... ? Well, I was married to this redhead (!) ...".
No, he had not mentioned that he was married twice. So what, though. Mary1 does not expect a comprehensive download of the Curriculum Vitae of every John she meets. But she also does not expect the snippets she does receive to be half-truths. Half-truths aren't truths. They are a bit like being pregnant. One cannot be half-pregnant. Same same. That said, Mary1 did not think of this inconsistency as having been lied to. No, she did not think John74 was a devious sort at all. But she did think it was strange. Very strange. Mary1 cocked her ears. She was on the alert. And the trigger was cocked. Ready. Mary1 is ever-ready to fire an underperforming John. No point in wasting a John's time when there is no future ahead. But, that is a discussion for another time.
There were many, many similar instances where such an inconsistency arose. Mary1 could write a book just with these stories! When Mary1 questioned John74 thereon, when she tackled him, John74 responded with a look of surprise, one of incredulity. The blank look. Like one gets from one's seven-year-old son when he is asked who kicked the rugby ball through the sliding glass doors. That look. The "who me?" look. He could not understand Mary1's "issue". There was not so much denial but more a lack of understanding. A lack of insight. A vacancy. This set Mary1 off on her thinking spree. Mary1 has a plethora of thinking styles. One has a medical slant. You see, Mary1 works in the medical field. The medico-legal field. So, she knows how to argue from a medical corner in a legal kind of a way. Delicious and helpful when researching John74's traits.
Dementia is not a specific disease. It is an overall term that describes a group of symptoms associated with a decline in memory or other thinking skills severe enough to reduce a person's ability to perform everyday activities. It involves an impairment in memory, communication skills and thinking.
Eureka! This is it! John74 was displaying memory loss, communciation difficulties and a thinking skills deficit. He could perform his everyday activities. Like personal hygiene and driving a vehicle. But the rest held water so to speak. Could it be that John74 had early onset Dementia?
Mary1 ran. She has long legs and was quite a good longer distance runner in her day. So, she fled. Mary1 has two elderly parents. They do not show any obvious signs of the onset of Dementia. Why would she want a John who did?
Mary1 and John74 went their own merry ways. As one does. But it did not stop there.
John74 had borrowed a photograph from Mary1. It was taken about 10 years earlier of Mary1 and her beloved son and heir. It was a gift and so Mary1 could not replace it. She asked John74 to return it to her as surely he would no longer want a photograph of Mary1. One would think. There ensued much cat 'n mouse kind of games. Over a period of four months. Tunes were changed. John74 would not drop the photograph off at Mary1's office as it was "too precious". Like Mary1's colleagues would want it! Not. Then he changed his tune. Mary1 had gifted it to him. He was keeping it. No, she had not. That was cleared up. Finally, Mary1 took delivery of a beautifully wrapped by a very expensive store brand new silver frame. With the "photograph" in it. One look at the "photograph" and Mary1 could see it was not the original photograph. You know the look; faded a bit. She removed the "photograph" from the frame. It was flimsy. The paper was the paper one uses to print photographs on at home. Mary1's firstborn alerted her to that. And it had pen lines on the face of it that one draws when wanting to trim a photograph to fit into a frame. In the box was a second copy of the original photograph. No words.
Needless to say Mary1 had much to say to John74. John74's response was that he was bitterly disappointed that Mary1 had been so very ungrateful and not thanked him for the expensive new frame. If there ever was a display of communication, memory and thinking skills impairment, then this is it. Mary1 is speechless. Unusual.
But, Mary1 did indeed take delivery of the original photograph. John74 met her and took it out of the frame it was in and handed it over. No words.