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On their very first date, John62 spent the first half an hour telling Mary1 off. He gave her a bollocking of note. She thought she was back at school. But this time the reason behind the bollocking lacked gravitas. At school, one had at least broken a rule, such as wearing non-regulation panties or smoking behind the bicycle shed. That was reasonably bollocking-worthy. No, what Mary1 had done was that she had neglected John62 when she had gone sailing in the Indian Ocean islands with three non-Johns. She had not called him nor sent texts to indicate her undying love and devotion to him whilst she was at sea. She had clearly fallen in love with someone else in the meantime and had dumped him, John62 suggested accusingly. Love? Dumped?
Mary1 sipped furiously on her glass of mediocre methode cap classique and stared ahead whilst John62 banged on. And on. She also ate all the nuts and crisps in front of her. After half an hour she told John62 that if he uttered one more word on this topic she would stand up and mince right out the door of the foxy hotel where they had met.
Mary1 also explained, once she got a word in, and replenished her glass of bubbles and had the snacks restocked that he, John62, was being utterly ridiculous. In fact, he was being childish.
You see, Mary1 had not met John62 prior to her sailing expedition.
Yes, she had not met him in the flesh. They had connected online and had started chatting and texting. As one does. In the process they discovered that they both love scuba diving and the ocean and sailing. This was terribly exciting for John62 who had yet to date a woman with whom he could share his passions. He began to organise holidays for Mary1 and himself to exotic locations in the likes of the Komodo islands. And Maldives. And. And. And. He had also clearly rearranged his entire life to fit around Mary1's. He was no longer selling his farm (Mary1 liked the look and sound of his farm so he changed his mind about selling it) and would spend more time in Mary1's 'hood and less time in his own. This is prima facie terribly romantic and sweet. But when it meant that Mary1's perfectly legitimate rationale for poor communication whilst out of the country was unacceptable, then Mary1 did not think this was sweet or romantic at all.
Mary1 had made one telephone call whilst away to her father prior to his organ removal surgery he was about to undergo. That is it. Sorry, John62, Mary1's Pop comes first. She did not call her beloved offspring. They would have been next in the queue. They are big and independent and able to cope without hearing their Mama's voice on a daily basis. Mary1 saw no need to call anyone at all whilst in paradise. Mary1 was living the moment and not living on her mobile telephone clinging on to what she had left behind. Very healthy. Mary1 had sporadic reception. Bliss. No reception. Her texts to her son and heir arrived after he had written a new one to her. None of her texts matched his. It was a shambles. But no-one minded. In fact, Mary1 was the happiest she has been in 20 years to be out of reach, out of range, out of sight. Out of John62's mind was clearly not the case. She had sent him a 'goodbye until next week' text but he failed to remember that. Obviously.
John62 was prepared to start afresh. As soon as Mary1 apologised. #conditions. She apologised to him saying she was sorry that he had misunderstood and misread the situation and as a result of his interpretations of the status quo was upset. But, she said that she was not sorry that she had not contacted a man whom she had yet to meet. John62 did not accept this apology. He said it was not an apology.
Poor John62 was fixated. He could not leave this bone alone. He carried on chewing it. Mary1 was such a bad gal.
After her second glass of bubbles and second tranche of snacks John62 offered Mary1 another round. She declined. He asked her what she was up to for the rest of the evening. It was then eight o'clock. She said she was going home. He asked her if she would not like to go out and share a pizza. She declined.
John62 sent Mary1 a text later on that evening saying how happy he was that they had sorted everything out and were now embarking on their new life together.
Really?