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Abundance. Lovely word. It has that 'fat' feel. This noun comes from the mid-14th century French, via the Latin abundantia, meaning 'fullness, plenty'. It means to have more than enough of something but it is also used to describe positive human qualities where one tends to give away what one has, to be generous with what one has and these haves are not just tangible haves that one shares. Mary1 is an abundant kind of a girl. She lives abundantly. She was not brought up abundantly, nor was her married life of the abundant ilk. That is perhaps why abundance is so important to her now. She can at last be the real Mary1. Abundant.
So when it comes to dates, she is particularly tuned in to abundance or a lack thereof. This is not a propos of balance sheet abundance, so to all the socialists reading this, put down your axes. Abundance in this case refers to a mentality of abundance. According to Stephen Covey and his discussions on highly effective people, most people are not 'abundant' but are deeply scripted in what is called the 'Scarcity Mentality' which is a zero-sum paradigm of life. There are no winners. Those who have it find it difficult to share recognition, credit, power or profit. They also battle to be genuinely happy for the success of others, are emotionally stingy only sharing kindness, generosity and love when it is clear it will be reciprocated. Mary1 refers to these types as 'frightened foxes', they are frightened of losing anything and not gaining in return for giving so they hold on tight to what they have at all costs. They boast a guardedness that robs them of much of the richness of life. This is not Mary1's style.
When John18 invited Mary1 out for a sundowner she was delighted. John18 invited Mary1 out. This is important in this discussion. Mary1 did not invite John18 out.
John18 was a non-descript kind of a chap. Non-descript as in lacking passion, lacking an opinion, lacking chutzpah, lacking gravitas, lacking presence. He did not argue with Mary1. Funny that, Mary1 can usually rattle up a good argument, albeit that she is known to lose many an argument with many an intelligent John. This excites her. Nothing worse than a John who can be outsmarted by Mary1. So dull. Mary1 prods and provokes and 'soeks' with her Johns. Nothing like a good sparring session. Mary1 presented a range of topics in which to engage with John18. Ranging from the benign to the overtly malignant. Sadly John18 was either not interested in a lively discussion on any topic or he was unable to present his point of view or he had no point of view to present. Either way, John18 was singularly dull. This was going to be a very long sundowner Mary1 thought to herself.
Fortunately for Mary1, Mary1 knows quite a few folk in her 'hood and a friend arriving at the same venue joined the happy twosome over the second of their sundowners. This was a lifesaving moment for Mary1 as John18 was becoming a problem for Mary1. The conversation livened up and John18 engaged with Mary1's friend seemingly happily. Off the said friend went after one drink and left Mary1 and John18 alone once more. She is not sure what possessed her, but Mary1 accepted a dinner invitation from John18. They would stay for dinner. Clearly that second beverage had softened Mary1 around the edges.
John18 got warmed up on his subsequent beers and soon he was sharing all sorts of home truths with Mary1. His mad ex-wife, she was a money-grabber, of course. His bounteous home in the leafy green belt over the mountain which had cost a fortune but was a good investment, obviously. His phenomenal success as an entrepreneur, his dog was even pedigree. He said it was a thoroughbred. I pointed out that dogs are referred to as pedigreed, horses as thoroughbred. He said he got confused with the nomenclature, he had some horses too (thoroughbreds) and clearly limited education.
Mary1 got the sense that John18, whilst seemingly successful, was afraid of losing his lot. He was 'abundant' in that he had more than he needed but he did not boast an abundant mentality. He had clearly worked hard to achieve his abundance and he was adamant no-one would take it away from him. He was holding onto his worldly goods with all his might. His ex-wife and ex-Mary were trying hard to take some more, so were the revenue services, his kids, even the staff stole him blind. Everyone was on the take, he moaned. And he was not about to dish anymore out to anyone. Perhaps he was warning Mary1 in advance? John18 had the perfect scarcity mentality. Warning signal. This mentality seeps into every facet of a person's being: ability to love unconditionally, generosity of spirit, recognition of others, power-sharing ability ... Mary1 was on the button here.
The evening ambled by as they do, Mary1 made sure her glass was kept full as this was a most useful manner in which to remain engaged in John18's discourse. John18 called for the bill when the last bell rang. Why is it that Mary1 is so often in situ when that final bell is rung? The bill arrived. John18 took it from the waitron.
John18 was not an accountant by profession. In fact, he could not boast a profession, just saying. But could John18 account. Mary1 was married to a proper accountant, one of those registered ones with letters after his name so she knows all about accounting and accountants. But John-ex has nothing on John18. John18 studied the bill. He complained about the fact that couvert was charged, he moaned about tipping at 10%, he moaned that one should not have to tip on the value of bottles of wine as it took as much effort to deliver a cheap bottle as an expensive bottle so why should he pay more tip-wise. He accounted for each and every item that Mary1 had consumed and added what Mary1's mate had consumed to Mary1's allotment. And then he informed Mary1 what her portion of the bill was.
Mary1 remained composed. She did not blink an eyelid. She did give John18 the death stare that she mastered over time by observing her first born's perfected version. Mary1 was relieved that she had brought her card along in her sparkly little black evening bag. And relieved that she had not ordered crayfish. Not that she has ever done so. Not that she would ever do so. Abundance, yes. Conspicuous consumption, no.