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Widowers date. A lot. Some quite soon after taking on their new persona. Why then is it that they are looked upon as victims? "Ah, shame, he's widowed!" the local lovelies purr when referring to these chaps. "Poor chap!" Poor chap! What? What about the poor chaps who are dumped by their wives, or girlfriends? They do not receive the same degree of pity, do they? Widowers get a lot of pity. It is of course a sad state of affairs when one's spouse dies. Especially if one liked one's spouse. Do not take that for granted. One does not always like them. Love them, perhaps; like them, not necessarily. Why do you think the name of the Austro-Hungarian composer Franz Lehar's operetta the 'Merry Widow' has become so well-used a term? Because widows can be merry. As can widowers. Believe you me.
There are all sorts of statistics out there about widowers: 'the average widower remarries within nine months of the death of his spouse' is one that is bandied about. And that is no exaggeration. Mary1 knows two widowers who did just that. Happily ever after supposedly for them, too. One Mr Abel Keogh has much to say about widowers and dating. He should know, he is one. His take is that a widower is a man. And men have a sub-conscious internal need for a relationship. They also stay in relationships for the same reason even when they know deep down that they do not love, or even like, their partner. It is part of the hunting instinct. One mate dies, they hunt down the next one. But unlike predators, they don't eat their captured prey and look forward to the next one, they feel they have to keep her. How tragic. And if he doesn't keep her, the community is up in arms and calls him a dog (good word, also a predator).
So Mary1's pool of talent is enhanced by the community of (merry) widowers. There are a lot to choose from, in fact there a surprising 'lot'. Surprisingly, but not surprisingly. There are thus the never-marrieds, the divorcees and the widowers from which to pick. These various status chaps are actually all the same. But not the same. You see when one dates a widower one keeps thinking of the now dead wife. One assumes the widower was devastated by her death. One assumes he is still madly in love with her (memory). One assumes he wishes you were her. Can you see that this is not the widower's issue. It is the date's issue. It is Mary1's issue. Self-deprecation at a peak. A topic for extensive therapy me thinks. Why is it that Mary1 does not think other non-widower singletons hanker after their ex-Marys? Why did Mary1 default to this unnecessary assumption of second-ness to dead Marys when she dates John-widowers? This area needs work Mary1, if ever necessary again. So you see, when dating a John-widower, its the same but its not the same for Mary1.
Mary1 went out on three dates with each of John51 and John56. She is not cheating her readers by writing about these dates in one sitting. She is being economical with their time. You see, these Johns had a lot in common. And the experience that Mary1 had with them was similar (the same, but not the same) in many ways, too.
These Johns each had loads of children. Mary1's third born was delighted at this aspect. She is one of those gang types. Loves a gang. They were goodly chaps and were champion dads. Lucky dead mothers. Lucky kids. Neither John had much dating experience under the belt they said, in fact Mary1 was John56's first date since his wife passed away a year earlier. John51's wife passed away gosh, about ten years back. And Mary1 knew both the late Marys. Tricky? Not at all. This in fact made the dates rather comfortable and the Johns could chat about their histories easily knowing that Mary1 was in the know and familiar with their stories. It was quite cosy really.
Mary1 is to date not sure why neither John51 nor John56 invited her out for a fourth date. The Johns just did a 'ghost' on her. Like Johns quite often do. 'Cowardly' Mary1 calls that behaviour. That aside, these were interesting dates. Mary1 learned much about herself. And she is sure that John51 and John56 would have both experienced some newness in their lives too having had the pleasure of those dates with Mary1.