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Expressing anger positively, yes it is possible, is healthy. It is, in fact, good for one and often for the other, if applicable, too. I am all for the positive expression of anger. I cannot boast that I am particularly good at it. But I do subscribe to the process of constructive anger expression.
The opposite is of course true. Expressing anger negatively, or not expressing but suppressing anger is very destructive as one cannot suppress the underlying emotions for time immemorial. The emotions do play themselves out, whether it be overtly, passive-aggressively, physically or verbally, directly or indirectly, immediately or belatedly. Whatever the case may be anger rears its very ugly head whether one likes it or not. And the result is not pretty. The anger manifests through, inter alia, aggression, violence, destructiveness, depression and the like. The aggression and the violence et al are the problem. Not the anger per se. The anger just happens to play out that way. And the underlying anger is not resolved through the use of the likes of aggression or violence. No. The root of the problem, the anger itself, remains with one, unresolved and ready to play out again. And again. And again. Tiring. Destructive. Sad. For both the anger-holder and those in his or her environs.
Oh my aching nerves. John48. Sigh. Delicious. Handsome in that Mediterranean tall, dark and handsome way. A bit short in that Eastern-Mediterranean cum Middle Eastern way, but I can overlook that height issue when the vibes are there. Attractive is not the word. There are no words. Drop dead, heart-stop-beating, breathing-problem-inducing, that just about sums up the non-red light district-style physiological impact of this man on Mary1. This man is bordering on needing his own emergency medical services for his Marys. Truly.
Coffee, three hours long. Dinner at home (his), starting with sundowners overlooking the ocean from that wooden deck ... How Mary1 got home that evening she cannot recall. The dates and the calls and the texts and whatnot were forthcoming and it was all roses. Red roses.
Until John48 discovered that his Mary-ex-fiancée was in love. With someone else. Not him. How could she possibly be over him already? How could she be in a relationship? How could she be dating? How could she have moved on? She may be sleeping with him! He could move on. He could date. He could fall in love. But how could she? The audacity!
Just to fluff out the scenery, John48 broke up with Mary-ex-fiancée a good few months earlier. He had dumped her. He did not want her. "She is mad", he said. We Marys are all mad according to the Johns. But that is okay. Mad is alright with me. I like mad. I am used to mad. I am mad. We all are to a degree. Crazy mad, that is. Not angry mad.
After hearing this news of Mary-ex-fiancée's romantic interlude, John48 became mad. As mad as a snake. Angry mad. He was so mad he started playing out his anger. He started off by going AWOL. He literally disappeared from Mary1's life for about four days. That is long when one is in the red roses phase of a new alliance. Then he reappeared. He explained to Mary1 what had happened, and that he was more than aghast at Mary-ex-fiancée's treachery. It was tantamount to treason! He blamed their mutual physiotherapist for having introduced Mary-ex-fiancée to the new man. He wanted to report the physiotherapist to the HPCSA (Health Professions Council of SA). "Unethical!" he roared. And then he started verbally abusing Mary1. Yes, Mary1. Abusing Mary1! He was of course projecting his anger with Mary-ex-fiancée onto Mary1. So obvious.
Mary1 has a wonderful ability to detach when necessary. She can almost do an out of body analysis of a difficult situation and respond with objectivity, rationality and detachment. It was one of the traits that John-ex hated (and loved) about Mary1. She was useful at times, like when visiting a Doctor and someone needed to ask those critical questions like, is this malignant? When can death be expected? Mary1 is good at that. The trait was also very irritating for John-ex who would have liked Mary1 to be more emotional and touchable at times. He would liked to have rocked her boat more often with his passive-aggressive tactics.
A lot of this is ego. John48 has a huge, man-sized, over-developed ego. In fact, he may suffer from Elephantiasis of the ego. That's an over-swollen ego, for my non-medical readers. And to add to his glorious ego he has anger issues stemming from his youth, his various marriages, his mother (bloody mothers), blah, blah, blah. Poor John48. He is not a very conscious man. He could not understand Mary1 when she was attempting to help him uncover and resolve the source/s of his anger. He just did not get it. It was all Mary-ex-fiancée's fault.
So John48 will be carrying with him his bundle of issues in his handkerchief tied to the end of his stick like the Three Little Pigs did as they set off from home to build their new houses. Watch out for the big bad wolf, John48. However, John48, the big bad wolf is not out there. He is inside you and rearing to burst forth as soon as he is triggered. Again. And again. And again.