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Remember at school, in the early senior school years, when one attended a dancing party (yes offspring of Mary1, that is what we called them back in the 80s) and the chap you were dancing with was shorter than you? It was a bit awkward leaning over him like a giraffe when slow-dancing. But it wasn't a problem really because we liked slow dancing (up close and personal and all that) plus we knew that the chap would grow and a year or so later the chap was indeed taller than you. Mary1 remembers those years well. And she was also relieved when the chaps grew and she could tilt her head backwards and stare adoringly into the eyes of her man-of-the-moment. Regularly, of course. That is the lovely thing about being a woman. We are shorter than our men. Generally, that is. Mary1 is not extraordinarily tall or short at 1.69m so she is usually the one with her head tilting backwards in those lovely embrace-style moments. Usually.
However, there has been an oversupply of short men on the market of late. To be precise 25% of Mary1's Johns have been short. Very short. Shorter than Mary1. That is too short. This has become a problem as this has meant a quarter of Mary1's pool of talent has literally been wiped out as Mary1 prefers the taller-than-me kind of man. 25% is a significant figure. Gosh, Mary1 does love statistics, cum laude at varsity, #pressure-is-on-firstborn!
This state of affairs, this plethora of small men, has serious physiological implications for womankind. You see, when cervical dystonia takes places as it does when one tilts one's head back, and the tilt is a mere 15 degrees, 12.3kg of strain is placed upon the neck. You try and support 24.5 blocks of butter with your neck and see how that feels. Same, same. Imagine the field day the physiotherapists are going to have following this uptick in the number of woman suffering from cervical dystonia. And it has nothing to do with our cervixes. These cervixes will be left well alone as we shall be in such neck-related pain that we shall not be in the mood for any cervix-related activity. Medical aids are soon going to exclude this as a claim as it will no doubt overtake general Myalgia as a king claim item. Watch this space.
Introducing John53. What a wonderful fellow. Charming, warm, smiley. What a disappointment when he stood up to greet Mary1 at their rendezvous point. John53 was a head shorter than Mary1. Very good looking in that Mediterranean sort of way. Delicious actually. But sadly, when Mary1 met John53 she could not help herself from prophesising the impact any embrace would have on her physiological well-being. Yes, when one is horizontal there will be no strain on the neck, but there is usually much vertical intercourse (not intercourse of the sexual kind in this context) prior to the horizontal poses. And Mary1's medical aid is not sympathetic to anything much less than a dread disease. So, any embraces with John53 would have an impact on Mary1's bottom line. A quick cost-benefit analysis was performed. Mary1 is so grateful for having read for a Bachelor of Commerce at university. Financial management has come in so handy in the dating arena. Especially cost-benefit analysis. Take note firstborn. And secondborn, next year. Mary1 decided that in order to avoid any physical or financial stress she should not venture beyond drinks and dinner with John53.
And so it is that Mary1 continued her search for the tall, dark (optional), handsome variety of man.