No tags yet.
Mary1 was battling with John44. He was not difficult to get on with. In fact, he was quite easy-going, chatted happily and easily and was confident and seemingly together. But there was something about John44 which made Mary1 uncomfortable. Not over drinks nor at dinner. It was afterwards upon reflection that Mary1 worked out the root cause of the dissonance she felt.
John44 seemingly lived the life. He lived in a villa overlooking the marina of one of Europe's favourite Mediterranean coastal towns. Picture bright Bougainvillea, pencil cypresses, sparkling pool. He had retired but had started up a boutique financial something to keep himself out of mischief. As one does. He drove a foxy car. He told me all about it. #nouveau-riche. He was your classic Mr Success. On the face of it, that is.
But, John44 personifies paradox. He is a contradiction in terms. Literally. He boasts characteristics that are contradictory and this was unnerving for Mary1. You see, Mary1 personifies authenticity. There is no hidden agenda or smoke and mirrors when it comes to Mary1. She is what she is. Take it or leave it. That is why she battled with John44's seeming lack of authenticity.
In existentialism, 'authenticity' is the degree to which one is true to one's own personality, spirit, or character, despite external pressures. Mary1 is the champion of authenticity. Mary1 cannot relate on a forever basis to those who lack authenticity.
John44 is actually an Afrikaans mother tongue middle class boy from the former Transvaal. Very middle class. Nothing refined, erudite or polished about John44. 'Blood will out' was one of Mary1's grandmother's favourite sayings. You can pretend all you like, but your roots will show in the end. And they did. That said, he was fortunately well-educated and went on to become a very successful businessman. John44 is a very nice boytjie. A rich boytjie to boot. But he is a boytjie. Kapiche. Herein lies the problem. John44 did not own his original identity. He had recreated himself. And as you know, recreations crack. The authentic self cannot be suppressed forever.
John44 is very anti-South Africa. And with good reason. He fears for his financial future. That is not surprising. Who doesn't? And John44 has a lot to lose, just saying. Mary1's greatest fear is landing up old and poor in a Fish Hoek caravan eating tinned cat food. You laugh. Her 'Rhodesian' relatives had to do so. John44 is wary of South Africa and the future of his fabulous fortune. Mary1 gets that logic. So here we have a rich South African boytjie fearing for his financial future. Tricky.
So, John44 emigrated to Europe. Lock, stock and barrel. Clearly a locked barrel full of stocks of the investment kind. All good. John44 left the country. Mary1 gets that logic. She wishes she could, too. But she would never take her kids away from their Dad. So, she will have to wait until they are old enough to no longer need her before embarking on any hair-brained schemes. So here we have a South African boytjie who leaves his homeland. Tricky.
John44 lives abroad, but seems to spend an awful amount of time at home for someone who sought greener pastures. This is of course self-defeating from a settling-down-into-a-new-life perspective. Oh, I get it, John44 has only emigrated financially. Not otherwise. Not emotionally. Mary1 gets that logic. Tricky. Dumb to quote Mary1's firstborn.
John44's is Afrikaans-speaking, but he has a mildly international twang. He clearly acquired this new accent very quickly having only been abroad for a short period of time. It isn't English, nor is it French, Italian or Spanish. And it is certainly not Afrikaans. Is this John44 trying too hard to be international in flavour? Or to fit in abroad? So here we have an Afrikaans-speaking boytjie trying not to be South African. Mary1 does not get that logic.
Here is an adult man in his mid-50s with an authenticity crisis. It was clear to Mary1 that John44 was unable to be true to his own personality, spirit, or character, in the face of external pressures. Emigrating, returning, fearing and so forth are understandable. I respect that. But the fake accent, the swanking about affluent lifestyles, the blasé attitudes about life in Europe, the clearly nouveau riche thoughts, feelings and perceptions were not respect worthy. They may have been if they had been authentic. If they had come from an Italian heir to a fortune or the likes of Prince Albert. But then again, heirs are not nouveau riche and they don't swank. Their lifestyles are their normal. They don't notice. So they don't mention them.
Poor John44. He is trying so hard to be the international tycoon. But underneath it all he is a nice South African boytjie from the 'hood who made good.
John44, try be the authentic you, it will be much more fun and a real Mary may come your way. And stay.