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Gosh, what a great ex-husband John5 would be! I thought. They say that one should marry someone one would like to be divorced from. No, that is not a dumb (to borrow a favourite word of my firstborn) statement. It is optimal to have been married to a really "nice" chap should one get divorced. Then he would be "nice" to you as the now ex-wife. Believe you me, that is a good scenario. And John5 fits that bill. I thought. But I am jumping ahead of myself.
John5 and I met for sundowners one Spring evening on the veranda of a foxy upmarket hotel on the Atlantic Seaboard. Exquisite venue. Felt like I was in Saint Tropez, but not Nikki Beach, which is a relief. After a day in the office, I am not usually in the mood for revellers and pumping Ibiza-style music, so to speak. Blissful, calm, balmy was what I had. Perfect.
We chatted as one does and John5 mentioned that he lived out up the west coast on an estate. "Oh really!" said I knowing exactly where he lived. "I own 1% of a farm opposite that estate". "So, that must mean you belong to an African evangelical church group? The farm is owned by one," he responded. I corrected him on that point. With assertiveness. And emphasis. "No, my now ex-husband, two friends and his sister collectively purchased 10% of that farm way back in the early 1990s. John-ex owned 2% and when we divorced he gave me half which is 1%," I explained methodically as I am known to do. It is the teacher in me. Clarification takes place. No room for confusion around me. "Well, that farmland was sold a while back. My driver told me." My interest was piqued. Very piqued. Highly piqued. I wanted to call John-ex right there and then and tell him the news. He would have told me if he had known that it had been sold. Ethics is his strong suit. I endured the rest of the evening itching to call John-ex.
John5 and I dined after sundowners and he proved to be a very decent chap. So decent, that he had purchased his now ex-wife (and the various off-spring) a house next door on the estate. He also explained how he paid all her bills and makes sure she is not disadvantaged in any way at all post-divorce. That was her settlement. This is very decent. Ask me. I know. But the cynic in me wonders why he is so "nice". Guilt? Pride and Ego? Image? I did not ask what precipitated the said divorce. I ought to have as the "niceness" would be less of a mystery then. How cosy it must be for him to sit in the neighbouring house to his now ex-wife. Not. What if he has an overnight visitor? What if she did? That is not cosy. That is uncomfortable. One doesn't mind what is going on with one's ex at all, they are ex's after all, but one doesn't need to observe it from the kitchen window while washing the dishes. Maybe that is something John5 likes to do. Not washing dishes. But observing. Keeping tabs. Keeping control. Jackpot. Control. Hence the ex-wife's house (in a trust for the kids, of course) and the house's location (next door) and the monthly "salary" so as to keep up the lifestyle and the payment of all bills (monitoring takes place) ... a cosy dependence and control situation had been setup.
When I eventually got to call John-ex, he was astounded. Dumb-founded. Speechless. Not enraged. John-ex only rages upon receipt of facts. Not rumour. This rumour would need to be investigated. And investigated it was. That's when John-ex became enraged. As did one of his two farm-owning friends and sister. And me. Of course. The farm had been sold. By the other farm-owning now ex-friend. And we had to call upon the legal profession to help us to unravel the mystery of the missing farm. Nancy Drew and the Hardy Boys would have loved this one. But that is another story.
What a decent and "nice" chap John5 is. I wish his new partner all the best in the cosy family nest. I am, however, eternally grateful to John5 and his driver's relationship. If John5 had driven himself to the office each day and did not have a driver, and had the said driver not been on chatting terms with John5, the mystery of the missing farm would still not be solved.