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"When Harry met Sally" is one of my all time favourite movies. Saw it at least six times. And, Sally faking an orgasm in a fast food joint and Harry's facial expression whilst watching her is for me the all time classic clip. The question of whether or not a man and a woman can be "just friends" was a hotly debated topic in this movie. Harry said "no" and Sally said "yes". This movie was screened a quarter of a century ago and we are still wrestling with this issue: there's the "Nexit" camp and the "Yexit" camp but in this instance the Nexits aren't uneducated, elderly and lower middle class from the midlands and interior ... there is in fact no finite Nexit or Yexit profile yet established.
I have always been a Nexit kind-of-girl: in my (well-communicated) opinion, there is no way a man and a woman can just be "just friends" as "sex" and its allied nuances come into play and change the intended dynamic. One of the pair most often lands up "liking" the other more than in a "just friends" kind of way and wants more than a friendship, et cetera. The result is mismatched romantic or sexual expectations, and an unequal meeting of needs between the friends. Very commonplace. And a route to tears, for one of the friends, the "I want more than friendship" friend. And no friendship at all is the ultimate result. Sad, but often true.
John12 and I had a most enjoyable dinner date some years back. John12 then proceeded to become one of my "best" friends. Sounds childish. But it is true. John12 is really, really bright, educated beyond the norm, a highly accomplished professional, is interesting, is interested and has interests. John12 oozes with enthusiasm and is passionate about everything. Especially South Africa and its politics. He even invests his capital in South Africa. Brave fellow that he is. Dining with John12 was and still is a treat: it is always newsy, peppered with highly emotive but well-researched opinions, we have noisy "discussions" and sometimes disagree. Albeit politely. John12 usually wins arguments; his research backup is better than mine, sadly. While I busy myself with lunchboxes, school projects and the Sudoku in the evenings I reckon John12 is arming himself with juicy titbits. Like one should.
So, to recap, I said at the outset that in my view men and women cannot be "just friends". So then how did I come to disprove my own hypothesis? I don't usually publicly announce my own failures, but in this case the outcome (a failed hypothesis) was worthwhile. A man (John12) and a woman (Mary1) are "just friends".
Why John12 was not to become "the one and only" never came under the spotlight. I didn't critique the date, in fact. It was what it was. It was divine intervention perhaps, but a friendship with John12 developed on autopilot. It is strange but John12 wears collared pure cotton long-sleeved shirts (unlike John26), he attends a good barber (NB John28), his finger nails are clean (John50's weren't), he has not been to jail (John37 has), he didn't want me to move into a log cabin up the coast (John11 did) nor is he living off a disability benefit (John38 is). John12 isn't afraid of vivacious women (unlike John31), doesn't bring his dogs to dinner (#John52), nor does he pretend to have an English accent (sorry John44, gotcha there). In fact, John12 is near perfect it seems. The perfect friend.
So, can men and women be friends? Yes, but with a caveat or two. And divine intervention. The caveats vary and they are that which make this complex issue so fascinating and they are that which will ensure that we will be discussing this question for another century at least.
So, in the meanwhile, John12 thank you for being the best man friend a girl could wish for! And, one day when I no longer make lunchboxes in the evenings, I shall win an argument (sometimes)!