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John9 was (and still is) the man of my dreams. Tall, well-built, handsome, bright, sporty, outdoorsy, well-bred, private school-style accented, old money family of origin, educated, thinking. In fact, he is the answer to world peace. Not Boris Johnson, nor Donald Trump.
John9 is rule-driven. I know little boys are rule-driven: little boys spend 90% of the afternoon playdate making up the rules of the game, then play for 10 minutes, then have the Oros and chocolate biscuits (the whole Tupperware box of homemade ones). I have a son. I know. But what I did not realise was that big boys also love rules, well John9 does.
Date one was the appropriate platform for laying down the rules of engagement. I listened with interest. I listen to everything John9 has to say with interest, if the truth be known.
Rule 1: exclusive relationship. "What?" you say incredulously. I imagine you are thinking to self "That is surely something one would assume?". Correction. Not so fast. John9 was right, this is a rule which has to be made expressly and one can no longer rely on a tacit understanding of this rule. I learned this the hard way, a long time ago. Red alert when a John insists on a non-exclusive relationship; he is guaranteed to be a serial relationship underperformer. So far, I am in. John9 and I are on sides and things are looking good.
Rule 2: no shacking up. I was on sides; I had no intention of dragging my three then under 18s along with me to shack up with some strange (we are all strange) John with whom I thought I had a deep and meaningful connection. My poor little children. One's own parents are bad enough. Imagine having to share space with someone else's father in this case and of course the visiting someone elses, too. Not so fast. John9 and I were on a roll. This was synchronicity in motion. We were ad idem.
Time for Rule 3.
Rule 3: no falling in love. "Sorry John9, please repeat that" I asked in a state of disbelief. I think to self, "self, what would the point be of being in an exclusive relationship with a man when one may not fall in love?" Then I thought to self: I have a gardener (exclusive on my side although I know he spends two days a week elsewhere sadly) and the Pool Doctor (exclusive on my side) and a gorgeous Vet (exclusive on my side) and I am not in love with any of them. It is indeed possible to have exclusive "no love" relationships - but I have those relationships with service providers, yes they are men, but I pay them. I was not planning on paying John9 for any service which he may render. His reward would be my undying, unfettered, love.
Sadly John9 and I could progress no further. John9 has met the girl of his dreams. I wonder if he has fallen in love? The rules of engagement do evolve. People evolve. I wonder if John9 has or will evolve. I hope so.
John9, we can rework that rule 3 if you fancy!